The Story Behind the Music:
American Idol
2012: Premiere Joke act
2019: Most Improved Contestant
Traumatic Passion
I will never be at peace until I convince myself I am happy with humiliation.
my anxiety and torments of self pity grow extensively. I’m flooded with the lies that I will remain stable in misery, with no end to my heart’s desires or ever seek happiness as long as I’m breathing on this earth. Idol ruined my life, my youth. Little do I know, this massive oppression that took over the very being of my character is in truth, the ultimate kiss.
This is my gift, my mission,to carry nationwide persecution for souls.
2012 Horror
I was sitting quietly at the kitchen table on a snowy 2011 December day. My mom was washing dishes after dinner, when she brought to my awareness an event that was bound to change my life forever. I was nineteen years old and had been bullied in the past; middle school girl drama, talent show persecutions, being the outcast on the cheerleading squad. As dramatic as I once thought those bullying episodes were, no form of humiliation was going to compare to this one. My dream was about to be crushed and shattered for the whole nation to see.
While scrubbing the dirty dishes, my mom says, “ someone saw you on an American Idol commercial.” My heart sank, but there was also a thrillful excitement pumping through my veins. Remembering the filming, my audition was boring and uneventful, but based on the reaction of the judges, something seemed a bit off. Searching YouTube for a couple minutes, I found the commercial. When I saw my face on the Iphone screen, I immediately fell into a mouth drop shock. I watched the commercial a couple times over to make sure what I was seeing was true. I sprinted to the bathroom so my mom and siblings wouldn’t see my streaming tears.
As I sobbed, these are the words I pleaded to God, “ Lord please don’t let this happen, Wasn’t I bullied enough in the past? Why have you abandoned me? I thought you were going to resurrect me from all the hurt? Why didn’t you answer?”
The commercial was a two second clip of red -faced, wide mouthed me singing the worst musical note your ears can process.
Within that next month, January 18, 2012 to be exact, was the day my fifteen minutes of fame would strike the televisions of America. The premiere night of American Idol Season 11 was releasing the version of me I never thought I’d dare to know. As a terrified nineteen year old girl, I decided to lock myself in my room, while laying on the top bunk, listening to the Twilight soundtrack.
My family and even grandparents, waited in the living room to watch the airing. All never forget my dad’s speechless reaction to the airing as he shrunk down to the bedroom floor. What did they show? Was it that bad? Minutes later, I was receiving a text from my cousin on why I shouldn’t let anyone bring me down, as he related to his wrestling failures. Not knowing and wanting to know what America just saw, I deleted my facebook. Luckily I was a freshman in college so I could hide from every familiar soul. Two days later, I watched my 2012 episode. My reaction was laughter. That can’t be me! That was horrible! The laughter didn’t last long.
Aftermath of a Clown
My self perspective was permanently warped. Looking back now, at the age of 27, I can see how the darkness of humiliation introduced the darkness of my college days. I worked my way through college, without a social life. My identity crisis ended up leading my desire to change my hair color to a new monthly neon ombre. Gothic grunge gloves was never not worn. It was my protective garment amongst the wolves. The most shameful regret would be the binge drinking on top of the high dose of zoloft I was prescribed.
However, I never stopped pursuing music. This is when I began my songwriting career. In 2013, I released my first two song-writes as a duo with twin sister, Chelsea. Our stage name was the Brunette Barbies. We considered ourselves a pop/ EDM group, dancing and singing in our music videos. The group didn’t last long. When I graduated college and Chelsea joined the military, I decided to pursue my music alone. I took the artist name of Mermaidica. What is a Mermaidica, you ask! It is a combined one word alas of the two words: mermaid and jessica. I felt like Jessica Whitely was ruined and destroyed from the airing. If the artists, Lady Gaga or P!nk can be out there, so can I. A mysterious artist name can disguise my past. I had a fetish for mermaids and dying my hair pastel. Surprisingly, i wrote christian songs. I was a Jesus-loving, singing mermaid!
After a while, I learned how to edit my own music videos. My passion grew into writing,recording and producing a music video for a new original every month. I have approximately 50 YouTube videos dedicated to my music. The story doesn’t end here. In 2019, I decided to face my Goliath. Who is this Galioth? I decided to go back to the culprit that destroyed my dreams. This time, it takes the title: American Idol Season 2 abc.
Back Again
Going back to Idol in 2019 was a miraculous and beautiful oppression. The only goal I had was to erase the past, prove myself to the world. I wanted America to know I can sing, at least more decent then I appeared at 19. At 5 in the morning, I stood in the lingering lines in Columbus, Ohio, full of eager contestants, desperate for fame. I was one of these desperate contestants. I thought nationwide success could fulfill my broken reputation, my insecure self esteem and fix the yearning desire to sing. I stood out in the crowd singing load and proud. I was practicing before the audition on the sidelines, with obnoxious ad libs and fluctuating notes to prove my powerhouse skills. My terrified and trembling heart couldn't rest in the quiet line.
I made it through the first round. I couldn't believe it. I cried in emotional tears. My prayers were being answered.
Only 30 contestants, out of 5,000 made it through that day. I knew it was God's design to pursue redemption.
The second and third round took place in Atlanta, Georgia. This is when we see the executive producers and they decide if we see the celebrities. And I made it!! The producers told me to bring personality.
Behind the Curtain
I want to introduce you to the truth behind the curtain,which is the behind the scenes of this so called “reality tv show”. Most people are quick to assume that when a contestant tries out for American Idol, he walks directly into the room of three celebrity judges as cameras from varies angles progress to record his every move. This round perceived as the “first round” to the viewer is in reality the fourth round of the television series.
To get through these three rounds, contestants may have to travel to different states in the country, given a short period of time at the expense of one’s own cost. This being said, I personally went to many obsticles, trials and sacrifices during these rounds.
(to be continued...)
I will never be at peace until I convince myself I am happy with humiliation.
my anxiety and torments of self pity grow extensively. I’m flooded with the lies that I will remain stable in misery, with no end to my heart’s desires or ever seek happiness as long as I’m breathing on this earth. Idol ruined my life, my youth. Little do I know, this massive oppression that took over the very being of my character is in truth, the ultimate kiss.
This is my gift, my mission,to carry nationwide persecution for souls.
2012 Horror
I was sitting quietly at the kitchen table on a snowy 2011 December day. My mom was washing dishes after dinner, when she brought to my awareness an event that was bound to change my life forever. I was nineteen years old and had been bullied in the past; middle school girl drama, talent show persecutions, being the outcast on the cheerleading squad. As dramatic as I once thought those bullying episodes were, no form of humiliation was going to compare to this one. My dream was about to be crushed and shattered for the whole nation to see.
While scrubbing the dirty dishes, my mom says, “ someone saw you on an American Idol commercial.” My heart sank, but there was also a thrillful excitement pumping through my veins. Remembering the filming, my audition was boring and uneventful, but based on the reaction of the judges, something seemed a bit off. Searching YouTube for a couple minutes, I found the commercial. When I saw my face on the Iphone screen, I immediately fell into a mouth drop shock. I watched the commercial a couple times over to make sure what I was seeing was true. I sprinted to the bathroom so my mom and siblings wouldn’t see my streaming tears.
As I sobbed, these are the words I pleaded to God, “ Lord please don’t let this happen, Wasn’t I bullied enough in the past? Why have you abandoned me? I thought you were going to resurrect me from all the hurt? Why didn’t you answer?”
The commercial was a two second clip of red -faced, wide mouthed me singing the worst musical note your ears can process.
Within that next month, January 18, 2012 to be exact, was the day my fifteen minutes of fame would strike the televisions of America. The premiere night of American Idol Season 11 was releasing the version of me I never thought I’d dare to know. As a terrified nineteen year old girl, I decided to lock myself in my room, while laying on the top bunk, listening to the Twilight soundtrack.
My family and even grandparents, waited in the living room to watch the airing. All never forget my dad’s speechless reaction to the airing as he shrunk down to the bedroom floor. What did they show? Was it that bad? Minutes later, I was receiving a text from my cousin on why I shouldn’t let anyone bring me down, as he related to his wrestling failures. Not knowing and wanting to know what America just saw, I deleted my facebook. Luckily I was a freshman in college so I could hide from every familiar soul. Two days later, I watched my 2012 episode. My reaction was laughter. That can’t be me! That was horrible! The laughter didn’t last long.
Aftermath of a Clown
My self perspective was permanently warped. Looking back now, at the age of 27, I can see how the darkness of humiliation introduced the darkness of my college days. I worked my way through college, without a social life. My identity crisis ended up leading my desire to change my hair color to a new monthly neon ombre. Gothic grunge gloves was never not worn. It was my protective garment amongst the wolves. The most shameful regret would be the binge drinking on top of the high dose of zoloft I was prescribed.
However, I never stopped pursuing music. This is when I began my songwriting career. In 2013, I released my first two song-writes as a duo with twin sister, Chelsea. Our stage name was the Brunette Barbies. We considered ourselves a pop/ EDM group, dancing and singing in our music videos. The group didn’t last long. When I graduated college and Chelsea joined the military, I decided to pursue my music alone. I took the artist name of Mermaidica. What is a Mermaidica, you ask! It is a combined one word alas of the two words: mermaid and jessica. I felt like Jessica Whitely was ruined and destroyed from the airing. If the artists, Lady Gaga or P!nk can be out there, so can I. A mysterious artist name can disguise my past. I had a fetish for mermaids and dying my hair pastel. Surprisingly, i wrote christian songs. I was a Jesus-loving, singing mermaid!
After a while, I learned how to edit my own music videos. My passion grew into writing,recording and producing a music video for a new original every month. I have approximately 50 YouTube videos dedicated to my music. The story doesn’t end here. In 2019, I decided to face my Goliath. Who is this Galioth? I decided to go back to the culprit that destroyed my dreams. This time, it takes the title: American Idol Season 2 abc.
Back Again
Going back to Idol in 2019 was a miraculous and beautiful oppression. The only goal I had was to erase the past, prove myself to the world. I wanted America to know I can sing, at least more decent then I appeared at 19. At 5 in the morning, I stood in the lingering lines in Columbus, Ohio, full of eager contestants, desperate for fame. I was one of these desperate contestants. I thought nationwide success could fulfill my broken reputation, my insecure self esteem and fix the yearning desire to sing. I stood out in the crowd singing load and proud. I was practicing before the audition on the sidelines, with obnoxious ad libs and fluctuating notes to prove my powerhouse skills. My terrified and trembling heart couldn't rest in the quiet line.
I made it through the first round. I couldn't believe it. I cried in emotional tears. My prayers were being answered.
Only 30 contestants, out of 5,000 made it through that day. I knew it was God's design to pursue redemption.
The second and third round took place in Atlanta, Georgia. This is when we see the executive producers and they decide if we see the celebrities. And I made it!! The producers told me to bring personality.
Behind the Curtain
I want to introduce you to the truth behind the curtain,which is the behind the scenes of this so called “reality tv show”. Most people are quick to assume that when a contestant tries out for American Idol, he walks directly into the room of three celebrity judges as cameras from varies angles progress to record his every move. This round perceived as the “first round” to the viewer is in reality the fourth round of the television series.
To get through these three rounds, contestants may have to travel to different states in the country, given a short period of time at the expense of one’s own cost. This being said, I personally went to many obsticles, trials and sacrifices during these rounds.
(to be continued...)
My Original Song-writes
song-write: Flashback Jack
sung by: Jess Whitely
This room has no window
this room has no door
I feel like Im falling
this room has no floor
sung by: Jess Whitely
This room has no window
this room has no door
I feel like Im falling
this room has no floor
Hopeless Romantic is an electric pop original about an abstinent girl struggling with the history of heartbreak. The heartbreak is from a history of men leaving her in the dust because she wants to remain chaste till marriage
Pro-life Song-Write
I see my daughter in the womb. Where her rights. I see my son he’s in the womb .Where’s his rights. My children I can hear them cry. Hidden massacre. 4,400 a day. They all die. What does the world want to take my job. Playing God. Abby Johnson changes her way. So Can u .Why can’t we all live like we should. back to when We life was all good .My arm is getting heavy .Hidden massacre The cups about to overflow. Holding back a rage...... Merciful Chastisement
This video is about feeling stuck. It’s about feeling like you have no gains of the world, no identity. It’s about the willingness to suffer for the cross. And how the cross actually brings more joy than having fame fortune and glory. It’s about wishing u were like a penguin, migrating like a bird. Dreaming but accepting
Song on accepting despair Breath in zombie zone Death ...can feel so alone... Counting my tears until they run dry.... Why I’m woke at 5am ....Just to do it all over again.. Delivery man don’t stare and watch me cry ..
Now I sit with
pizza and tears
Now I sit with
pizza and tears
A Star is Born cover: recorded after American Idol airing.. focused on control.. .. I wore an old wig to disconnect with my contestant look ... healing perception